


Half of A Whole

by halfsweet



Series: Parallel AU [8]
Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, M/M, based off of brendon's and zack's latest tweets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 03:12:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11660433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfsweet/pseuds/halfsweet
Summary: Tonight has been one hell of a night; playbills and other items were shoved in his face, loud yellings and screamings that seemed to come in every direction. It’s just like any other night, but this night in particular felt different. A little more intense and overwhelming, because just as he thought of Patrick back at LA, his mind went straight into overdrive.





	Half of A Whole

“Hey, you okay?”

Instead of replying Zack's question, he takes off his jacket, tossing it on the couch before making his way to the kitchen and preparing a midnight snack for him and Zack. Tonight has been one hell of a night; playbills and other items were shoved in his face, loud yellings and screamings that seemed to come in every direction. It’s just like any other night, but this night in particular felt different. A little more intense and overwhelming, because just as he thought of Patrick back at LA, his mind went straight into overdrive.

He can’t stop replaying that night and when the FOB guys performed on Seth Meyers. Patrick… Patrick’s different now. He’s spending most of his time in his head nowadays.

He knows for a fact that whatever’s in Patrick’s head, it’s not a good thing. It’s not a safe space for him anymore. He tries to pull Patrick’s attention away from it every time they’re together, but he can feel himself slowly losing to _it._

It used to take him a couple of calls of Patrick’s name to pull him back to reality, then a few shakes of the shoulder until Patrick just stares at nothing, unresponsive. Until Patrick snaps out of it by himself.

He peeks into the living room area, finding no Zack, but there is light under the bathroom door, so he figures Zack must be taking a quick shower. He begins to fill the kettle with water, and while waiting for it to boil, he takes out his phone. It’s still early in LA, so there’s no way Patrick’s sleeping at this hour. Besides, he’s pretty sure the guys don’t have any show tonight.

After everything that happened after the show, he just… he just really needs Patrick. His muscles are already aching—each small movement feels like he’s dragging heavy weights behind them—and his eyelids are trying to stay open for as long as they can, but his mind is calling, whispering and shouting for Patrick.

Just hearing Patrick’s voice comforting him is enough for him to get a quality sleep for the night.

“Babe, hey.” He smiles, glad that Patrick picks up after a few rings. He rests his forearm on the island, idly tracing a pattern on it. “What are you doing?”

 _“Bren?”_ Patrick’s voice sounds slow and groggy, like he’s just woken up.  

He pulls his phone back to check the time. Yeah, it’s around 9 pm LA time. Did Patrick really go to sleep this early? “Were you sleeping?”

_“No, um. Just— a nap.”_

He suddenly isn't sure if he can rant about tonight to Patrick. With the way Patrick is behaving lately, he doesn’t think adding his own problems on top of Patrick’s would help either of them. But still, he needs someone to talk to. He needs _Patrick_ to talk to.

He clears his throat. Maybe next time, when Patrick’s feeling better. “Right. I'll just— I'll let you get back to your nap, I guess.”

There's a staticky and shuffling noise on the other side of the line before Patrick's voice comes through, quiet and hoarse. _“Okay.”_

His shoulders drop. To be honest, he's expecting Patrick to say something along the lines of _it's okay, what's wrong? How was the show?_ and not just plain _okay._

“I love—” Before he gets to finish his sentence, Patrick has already ended the call. “...you.”

Sighing, he brings his phone down, staring at the wallpaper of him and Patrick grinning at the camera before the screen turns black a few seconds later. Well, that didn’t really go well as planned…

Should he call Pete and ask him to check on Patrick? He knows Pete has no problem with it—he can tell that the whole band is beginning to get worried about Patrick—but still. He doesn’t want to drag other people into their relationship matter.

“Thought you'd be on the phone with Patrick.”

He puts his phone down on the island and shrugs when Zack walks into the kitchen. “He's tired.”

“Are you two fighting?” Zack asks, reaching for the sandwiches he made. “You’re always on the phone with him after show for at _least_ an hour.”

The kettle begins to whistle, and he turns off the stove to make tea for them. “No.”

“Did something happen between you guys?”

“No.” He runs his fingers through his hair, messing it up even more. Did something happen? He doesn't even know the answer himself. “We’re fine. It’s— nothing. Really.”

“Uh huh.” Zack arches his eyebrows, unconvinced, but he thankfully lets the issue go. “Rough night tonight.”

He has _no_ idea. He places a mug of tea in front of Zack and sips on his own. “Thanks for earlier, by the way. I think I was a second away from shutting down in front of everyone.”

“Hey, it's my job to make sure you're in good condition. Physically _and_ mentally.” He taps the side of his head to show his point.

He looks at Zack. “Mentally?”

Zack nods, blowing on his hot tea. “Your anxiety. When you’re on your way to a panic attack, it's clear all over your face. That’s when I have to step in and stop everything.”

“How can you see it?”

“Instinct, I guess. I've known you a long time, kid. So I know when you're being comfortable and when you're not. I need to pull you out before it gets worse.”

But he's known Patrick a long time, too. Why can't he do the same like what Zack does with him? Why can't he be more like Zack? Zack knows what he's feeling, what he needs with just a glance, but with Patrick…

With Patrick, he can't read him at all lately. He doesn't know what Patrick’s feeling. He doesn't know what Patrick’s thinking. He doesn’t know what Patrick needs. He doesn’t know _anything,_ and it sucks. It makes him feel like he’s the worst boyfriend ever. Aren’t partners supposed to be helpful to each other?

Then, why does he feel useless?

“I’m not just your bodyguard, you know.” Zack’s voice penetrates through his thoughts. “I’m also your friend.”

“Yeah.” But this is a relationship matter, and there’s no way he’s spilling anything about their relationship... _situation—_ he refuses to call it _problem_ because _it’s not a problem, they don’t have a problem—_ to anyone. “No, it’s nothing. It’s probably just the stress from before.”

He knows Zack doesn’t believe him, and he kind of wants to laugh at the irony. Zack is his _friend_ and he knows what he’s thinking, but Patrick, _God,_ Patrick is his _boyfriend_ and he doesn’t even know _the slightest bit_ that goes on in his mind. _He knows Patrick longer than he knows Zack, for fuck’s sake._

What is happening to them?

“I’m heading to bed. Good night, man.” He pats Zack on the back as he leaves the kitchen and goes to his room. He takes a quick shower so he can get to bed, because after what happened tonight, with the crowd and Patrick, all he wants is to just close his eyes and forget everything.

After the shower, he slides on a pair of sweatpants and one of Patrick’s shirts that he snagged before Patrick left last time before settling under the covers. He picks up his phone and types a quick text to Patrick since they didn’t really get to talk much over the phone.

_To: Patrick_  
_00:33:47  
_ _Love you. Can’t wait to be back home_

He sets down his phone on the nightstand and closes his eyes. At least there’s something to look forward to when he wakes up in the morning, and he hopes that the text cheers Patrick up, even a little.

Because if he has to be honest, the less time he spends with Patrick, the longer he’s apart from Patrick, the more Patrick seems to withdraw into himself. Into his head. And for once, he can’t wait until Kinky Boots is over so he can go back home and be with Patrick.

When he wakes up the next day at 9, the first thing that he reaches for is his phone. His chest tightens when he sees the read receipt from Patrick a few minutes after he sent the text, but the man himself didn’t reply anything until now.

He knows he shouldn’t think too much about it. Maybe Patrick fell asleep before he got to reply him. Who knows. Besides, when he reads his text again, it doesn’t really call for a response, although a simple _love you too_ would be nice.

He blows out a sigh and stares up at the ceiling.

...they’ll be okay, right?

**Author's Note:**

> boy oh boy i can't wait to write the next few parts! hope you liked it! don't forget to leave kudos and comments :)


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